Wednesday, 19 April 2017

About Internship and Some Thoughts


Heyya there. So now, I just feel like blogging. Still do not know if I will finished this entry or it will also ended up in my draft like sooo many entries before. We'll see.

I miss blogging, sometimes. But I dont feel like sharing much lately. By lately I mean for these past few years lol. Plus it is easier to share everything on Instagram compared to blog. For those who've been reading my blog since before, you guys know how lazy I am to upload pictures in blog. I did, yes, few times but never as much as those famous bloggers who are sooo gigih edited and uploaded so many pictures in their blogs. You know you have to go thru tons of pictures before actually decided​ what to upload. Bapak gigih. But they're famous so all the effort taken makes sense lah. While for me myself, Instagram is much easier. You get to edit and upload it with caption all in one shot and the result will turn out much organized, and pretty. So yeahh Instagram it is. 

Oh btw before I continue, if you find any grammatical error or any misused words here feel free to tegur me or just please ignore it coz I am too lazy to check. Thank you!

So, what's up??

Well, first thing first, you guys have to know that, alhamdulillah, I've secured an internship placement at The Star media yeayy! If you have read the previous entry, you know that this is my last semester studying in UNISEL. I will be doing internship on the next semester. So for the past few weeks I have been searching for an internship placement from several media organizations (I'm taking journalism, fyi).

I've sent applications to ASTRO, TV Al Hijrah, Bernama and The Star. ASTRO said if I didn't get any response up until two weeks before my internship begin, that means I did not get it. I repeat, TWO WEEKS BEFORE MY INTERNSHIP BEGIN. In that two weeks I have to settle all the documents and whatnots, I have to find rental house nearby ASTRO, I have to decide if I need a car and some other stuffs... And that's if I got the offer. What if I don't? Searching for another internship placement or just accept The Star but then still kena cari rumah semua all in two weeks while struggling with final exam. So yeah, I just give it up.

For TV Al Hijrah and Bernama, well, currently their quota for internship placement are full. They said I can reapply in few more weeks. So, no thanks I dont have much time plus why trouble yourself when you already got a good offer, which is tadaaa The Star.! Wuhuu!

And you know what, only now I know that it is not as easy to choose where do you wanna do your internship. Before this, whenever our lecturers ask where we wanna do our internship, I will proudly said Bernama or TV Al Hijrah. I was never really sure where and I dont really know why I voted for these two. At that time I think well Bernama is the most basic (as far as I know) news agency in Malaysia, as the Reuters in England. Most of the other news agency sometimes will mentioned 'sources from Bernama' in their news so I assumed Bernama is the most reliable (like official) news agency in Malaysia (do I sound stupid?? I dont really know things I just dont know many things, this is only what I think.) For TV Al Hijrah, I think maybe it is because of their Islamic identity that makes me feel like this is where I should go. Feels like some connection in there. And of course because ummi says so. hehe. And as I said, both of these organizations rejected me. This is not only happened at me, but so do my friends by another organizations.

So that's what I am telling you, it is not easy to get an internship placement guys. And at time like this, we are just gonna take whatever we get. And so far, alhamdulillah, I believe Allah has given me the best place to intern. I consulted with Prof Azmuddin, our faculty dean, and he said what I get is good. I will have specialization (in property business unit), and for some reasons he also preferred newspaper organization than TV news. I also asked my lecturer whom I adore his thinking and personality, Sir Ismail (the one who asked me to write a book about our trip to Kazakhstan before, if you remember, that one book which is still 'under progress' until now heee), surpisingly he also think it is good to do property business there. In fact, he said it is very good and I am brave to take it.

Does that make me question my decision back? Yes it does. Hehe. But does it change my mind? Nope, it didn't. It actually make me feel even proud for always being so confident and believe in myself ( well not sure if Im gonna curse myself later for taking this but lets be positive and pray for me okay? hehe) Anyway, of course I have to do some revision to get myself familiar with all those jargon and the lenggok penulisan lah bak kata sir. I dont really know what I really want, but Allah sure knows everything. Inshaallah, this is the best for me. I have faith in this! 

Oh for the record, I AM NOT SAYING the other places for internship are not good. As I discussed with Abang Met last night, actually if I get general desk (rather than any specialized desk), it is sure will benefit me a lot since I will experience covering so many type of news. It is good to learn a lot of things as an internee, so later in my resume I can say I learned this and that. It is great to get to know many things rather than just focusing on only certain area. But it is okay, I am totally positive about what has given to me. Having specialization also sure has its own benefit . Well everything has pros and cons and in order to get something you sure will lose another things and that is just how life works. So yeah. 

I guess that's it for this entry. Actually I wanna talk more but let me stick to one topic in one entry. Inshaallah, next time (maybe next few months after I finished my internship considering how often I blog lately hehe), I will talk about anything else. 

Thank you for reading. I miss blogging, really. I am not sure if I still have my loyal reader like before (cewahhh?? kahkah but I swear I did have some before). But if any of you has read my blog since forever, I would like to say thank you and thank you sooo much. You make me feel appreciated and please, don't stop reading okay? Hehe. 


p/s : doakan kejayaan kita semua di dunia dan akhirat, okay?

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

Halfway thru Final Year

 Assalamu'alaikum and hi

Today is the third day I am in semester eight. And this is my final semester being in the university. For next semester, (inshaallah) I will be interning in still only-God-knows-what company, and where. After two years and half in the university, with all the bittersweet memories, finally, I am going to leave it soon, guys. Awhh. Remember the first time I blogged about coming to UNISEL? And then giving information about UNISEL some more for new students to refer to. Gigih okay. Hehe. You can read them here if you want to. This one andd this one. Ada member (junior) yang baru masuk siap tegur "Ohh, blog hang ka tuu." Bhahaha. Famous mok, nokss. *insert tangan sotong menampar lembut bahu kawan sebelah here*

Okay, back to the main topic: I am going for internship in just few months!! Omg. Soo excited but scareddd. More to scared actually. My CGPA so far is so good. I am not worry about it. Wait no, still worry of course yesss I have to worry coz in just one semester I can messed up everything if buat halai balai. But inshaallah I can work on it to maintain or improve my CGPA. Positive and semangat as always, coz I know God will give me the best as I deserve.

But really, in the real working world, your good CGPA does not mean a thing if you cannot do the job. I learned in the classes, I practised, but still, I am scared. We got ample time to do the assignments in university. But in media industry, the competitiveness.. gosh. We are not living in the days where the news we wrote today will be published for tomorrow's newspaper anymore. Now is the new media time. Internet. Online news portal. It works 24/7. We have to be the first to break the news. Imagine working with the deadline like thatt. I can imagine the pressure. I know it's gonna be hard, but I have to face it. It's okay to be wrong, it's okay to make mistake, it's okay to kena marah. That's the process of learning anyway. I know I can do it because I always do if I want to. But what frightened me the most is the fact that my general knowledge is sucks! It really is. Can already imagined me being scolded by my editor for not knowing the menteri-menteri, the political stories, who did this and that, economic issues, sports etc. Huhu. I don't want to see the face of disappointment from them (the editor or whatnots) whenever I made mistakes. That's my weakness. I care a lot about what people think of me. And it can affect me real bad.

I know that this (being a reporter) is not what I want to be. Honestly. I never think of me, interview orang, kejar artis, kejar politician, and then balik tulis pasal tu. Like, that's it? That's my job? That's so not me. I don't talk much especially with new people. I am not so good in mingling around. I don't really care about others. Maybe I will get the passion of doing the reporting when I actually experience it later. I don't know. But for now, really, that is not what I want to be. I loveee studying journalism. I love being in this field. I love social science. I am proud to say I study journalism. But I still don't know exactly what I really want to be. If it is in the media, whether it is in broadcasting, newspaper reporter, magazine, radio?? I am still not sure. If not in the media industry, then what am I gonna be?

Journalism has the power of controlling people's mind. What we write/say, is what people are gonna talk about. We are the one who decide it. We can make people respected, and we can also bring people down. This is a really powerful field I am in, and I can use it to make the world a better place. But the responsibility that comes with it is also great. Like what my lecturer, Madam Azian, said before, journalist antara muka-muka yang beratur paling depan nak masuk neraka. What she meant to say is how big our responsibility is. The power we have, how are we gonna use it? Like phewwh.

By the way, I had surveyed few places for internship, and I am gonna send as many application as I can. Be it newspaper organization, TV, radio, mags. Just apply it all. From then only I can choose what is the best for me, But let say if I get all of them, and I have to choose now, I seriously don't know where to go just yet. Will spend these last few months to figure it out with the help of my lecturers and from my own reading. Pray for me, guys. Semoga apa pun yang dipilih still didalam redha Allah. Inshaallah.


P/S : URL blog ini akan ditukar kepada ecanfadhlina.blogspot.com anytime soon. Hope I don't lose you my loyal readers :)

Tuesday, 17 January 2017

First Anniversary of Accident

Assalamu'alaikum dan hai! 

So, emm those yang dah setahun follow aku di Instagram mungkin dah dengar cerita pasal accident last year. Tapi blog belum tahuu. Tahun lepas malas nak menulis. Kalini tiba-tiba rasa nak cerita pulak. But, before I begin nak warning siap-siap, this gonna be a very long entry, okay?

Okay. So, 15 January 2017 which is kelmarin dulu, telah genap setahun peristiwa kemalangan itu. Jadi,

Happy Anniversary parut-parut sekalian!
 baik yang telah mulai pudar dan juga yang masih rasa sakit

Warghh, yess gais, aku dapat satu parut yang macam bernyawa. Kadang-kadang gatal tiba-tiba, then kalau terlanggar apa-apa perghh sakit dia ya ampun wehh menyucuk rasa. Sakit namateyyy!

Aku pun pelik mulanya kenapalah dia tak hilang terus. Rupanya aku telah mendapat satu keloid scar, omgg. Boleh Google kalau nak tau lebih lanjut. Parut jenis ni memang take time untuk jadi parut biasa. Boleh jugak bedah untuk buang dia tapi risiko parut bedah tu pun jadi keloid still ada (based on pembacaan). So, baik tak payah ye dop. 

Jadi, macam mana boleh accident ni?

Ehem. Camni ceritanya.
*sandar di kerusi, siku di atas meja, jari bertemu jari*

Peristiwa tersebut berlaku semasa awal tahun 2016. Awal tahun gais, resolution nak kurus, nak cantik. Semangat *insert emoji lengan taf disini*. So aku pun jog. Itu baru hari kedua or ketiga aku mula jogging. Huhu. Masa aku nak keluar jog tu hujan baru berhenti. Dah pukul 630 petang. Balik dari jogging tu dalam pukul 730 petang. Tar masih basah. Angin sejuk, best. Waktu dah nak maghrib, jadi kena laju. So kita bagi laju lah. 

Jalan raya depan Kondominium Baiduri tu pulak memang turun bukit. 

Tiba-tiba terasa nak masuk belah kawasan rumah orang kaya. Nak tengok pemandangan.

Tiba-tiba membuat keputusan begitu, walaupun tengah sangat laju. Tiba-tiba lah pulak kan.

Maka, aku pun mula lah brake sikit demi sikit. 

Namun, pada masa itu jarak dah jadi agak dekat dengan kereta depan aku yang nak belok masuk kawasan rumah orang kaya tu. 

Brake lagi. Lagi. Kang langgar kereta orang tak pasal-pasal. 

Brake sikit. 

Kereta tu pun masuk dalam kawasan rumah orang kaya. Depan aku dah kosong takda kenderaan lain. Namun, skuterku masih memacu laju walaupun dah brake sikit-sikit beberapa kali.

Brake lagii.

Dah nak dekat belok sangat dah. Still laju oi apani.

Brake sikit lagi. 

Masih juga laju. Damnnn, dah nak dekat sangat.

Terpaksa. Nekad. Brake rapat.

 Maka, bergoleklah aku diatas tar tersebut sambil otak tengah digest apa yang sedang berlaku, sambil fikir bila nak berenti golek, sambil dalam hati berdoa janganlah tergolek masuk lane sebelah yang kereta tengah laju turun bukit. Masa tu baru aku faham apa yang diertikan dengan 'sekelip mata'. Memang semuanya jadi dalam jangka masa yang sangat pantas. Sekelip mata dah cium jalan padahal tadi kan ke tengah bawak motor.?

Berhenti berpusing aku pun bangun dengan serta merta. Malu punya pasal weh. Dalam hati pikir macam mana la rupa aku golek tadii malunya huhu. Namun masa nak bangun tu kakiku terpele'ot balik. Terasa macam tak mampu nak tampung badan sendiri. Baru sedar lutut kiri injured. Berdenyut-denyut. Lutut seluar koyak dan dipenuhi darah. Maka tercapik-capikla aku berjalan duduk dekat divider. Sambil tengok dua buah kereta belakang aku dah berenti, sebuah lagi kereta seberang jalan sana pun berenti (walaupun dia langsung tak terlibat sebenarnya).

 Dari kereta yang berhenti belakang aku keluar tiga orang remaja lelaki. Penampilan agak serabai, rambut blonde. Tak sedar bila depa angkat skuter aku naik atas divider. 

Pemandu kereta yang berenti seberang jalan tu pun lintas belah sini, berkerumun dengan tiga orang remaja lelaki tadi. Lelaki jugak. Muda. Tak tengok betul pun muka brader tu macam mana. Yang aku ingat dia nampak lebih kemas dan semenggah sikit la dari tiga orang tu. 

(Kereta yang satu lagi pulak perempuan, dia tanya nak call sesiapa tak, aku bagi satu nombor then dia blah. Itu ja cerita pasal dia.) 

"Macam mana boleh jatuh?" 


"Sakit tak tu?" sambil tunjuk dagu aku. 

Daguu?? "Tak rasa apa pun." 

Muka masing-masing berkerenyut tengok dagu aku. Terus kecut perut aku nak tengok luka dagu.
"Teruk ke dagu saya? Saya tak berani tengok." 

"Nampak macam dalam jugakla." 

Lelaki yang sorang tu berlari ke kereta dia amikkan tisu (boleh kata sekotak terus) bagi aku suruh tepek kat dagu sebab darah banyak.

"Jom saya bawak pegi hospital?" Dia offer.

"Bagi alamat, nanti kitorang hantar motor ke rumah." Yang bertiga pulak offer.

Macam-macam soalan, dan aku pun taktau nak buat apa dulu. Hospital dulu? Call Yanie dulu? Skuter macam mana? Phone pun memang dah berbulan tak bertopup masa tu. Nak pi hospital dengan mamat-mamat ni, like seriouslyy... Darah pulak laju menitik-nitik.

*Pandang skuter*. Huwaaa sedihnyaaaa. Side mirror sebelah patah, badan calar-balar. Nimbus was only 7 months ++ masa tuu. I'm so so sorry baeee. 

Sorang mamat yang geng tiga tu pinjamkan phone. Serba salah pulak pegang fon dia dengan tangan berdarah. Huhu. Call Yanie, Yanie pun terkejut kecoh-kecoh, dia belum solat, so dia nak solat dulu. Nak tunggu dia, yang orang-orang ni masih tercongok tunggu jawapan. Darah menitis-nitis dari muka. Lutut seluar koyak, habis darah. Kasut pun ada la calar sikit. Thank God masa tu baru balik jogging, so pakai sport shoes lah. Terselamat jari-jari kaki aku. 

Lastly aku decide untuk ke klinik dengan brader yang naik kereta sorang tu. Dia nampak lebih semenggah (I judge, yes, can't help), dan sebab dia berseorangan. Tambahan pula dia nampak lebih matang berbanding remaja-remaja lelaki tu. Agak-agakla nak naik kereta dengan tiga orang remaja lelaki stranger weh. Offer untuk hantar skuter ke rumah pun terpaksa ku tolak baik-baik.

"Sorry ya, tapi saya tak boleh kang jadi apa-apa motor ni. Bukan taknak caya, tapi ya lah.. emm. Tapi thanks sangat-sangat tau. Thanks sangat. Thanks tauuu. Sorry ya." Bersungguh aku minta maaf berulang-ulang kali dengan muka mengharapkan diri ini difahami.

Amik purse dan phone, lock tayar Nimbus, kemudian berlarilah aku ke kereta brader yang sorang tu. Lutut rasa better sikit dari awal-awal jatuh tadi. Dah boleh berlari tu kira okayla kan. 

Dalam kereta... :

"Takpa ka ni bawak saya ke klinik? Sori la susah-susah ja (huhu).."

"Saya kerja depan tu je. Kerja sendiri. Dah start sakit dah dagu tu? Selalunya awal-awal tak rasa, lepastu sakitlah."

"Entah. Tak rasa pun. Nasib baik gigi saya tak patah. Teruk ke dagu ni?" *tunjuk dagu*

Tiba-tiba dia dengan sedikit beremosi
"Eergghhhh, saya tak boleh tengok benda-benda macam tuuu."

Hahah. Fanniiii. I still remember that reaction sebab funnyyy. 

Lepastu aku tak kacau dia dah. Dia tanya klinik panel Unisel mana. Urmm. Aku pun tak pasti. So dia hantar kat klinik di Seksyen 2. 

Kat klinik, doktor cakap dagu kena jahit, nampak tulang. 

I was like whutt, tulang??


 Lepastu baru teringat, eh dagu kan nipis ja. So takdala drama mana pun walaupun nampak tulang. Hihi. Tak jadi nak feeling cedera parah. Tapi doktor tu tak boleh jahit atas sebab-sebab tertentu. Nurse cuma sapu iodin di segala luka dan balut sikit dagu. Lepastu aku perlu ke Hospital Klang. (Masa tu Hospital Shah Alam punya emergency tak jalan lagi ka macam mana tah.)

Tak lama kendian Yanie pun sampai kat klinik tu dengan Najwa dan Kak Dayah. Lalu kami berempat pun bertolak ke Hospital Klang. Dah separuh jalan Aiman call. Clueless gila dia taktau apa-apa. Huhu. Aku cerita-cerita, then dia pun otw ke Hospital Klang untuk amik kunci untuk bawak balik skuter aku yang masih tersadai atas divider. Kalut dia nak call ayah aku walaupun berkali-kali kata takyahhh, I'm fineee. Boleh berjalan elok. Taknakla nanti ayah ummi risau pulak malam-malam dan tak boleh buat apa pun. Rupanya walaupun tak call ayah aku tengok-tengok dia call abang aku pulak -_-' 

Sampai hospital pukul 9 malam lebih kurang. Sementara tunggu turn jumpa doktor aku ada bersembang dengan sorang uncle Cina ni. Mata dia termasuk percikan besi welding. Ergh. Dengar pun dah seriau. Pedih kot weh. Tapi dia sibuk masuk bilik doktor berulang kali semata-mata nak suruh doktor panggil aku masuk cepat. Uncle nii :') Tambah pula tengok kawan-kawan yang sudi datang temankan, yang tercongok tunggu berjam-jam, yang datang semata-mata nak amik kunci untuk amikkan motor. :') I feel so much loved. May Allah bless you guys.

Beberapa minit kemudian (atau lebih sejam kemudian? We're talking about Hospital Klang here), aku pun masuk jumpa doktor. Doktor tu jolok luka dagu aku pakai jari dia untuk ukur kedalaman dia kata. Then doktor tu jolok-jolok lagi pakai besi dengan kapas untuk cuci kalau-kalau ada batu ke apa. Werghhh. Apa semua niii, doccccc. Belum bius, belum apa-apaaaa. (Padahal dia tau la kerja dia huhu). Cekang perut aku tahan nafas, pejam mata rapat. Membayangkan pun dah ngilu. 

Lama lepastu, lepas x-ray, amik darah itu ini, akhirnya tiba masa untuk jahit. Doktor lelaki, lembut bicaranya. Cewah. Dia cam pujuk-pujuk sikit cakap doktor jahit sikit ja ya. Nak tenangkan pesakit. Walaupun dah kena bius, walaupun tak rasa sakit, walaupun hanya seriau yang kurasa, tapi rasa itu cukup untuk membuatkan aku bersumpah-sumpah dalam hati

"Tobat aku takmau beranak. Sumpah aku takmau beranak nantiii warghh." jeritku di dalam hati.

 Serious weh. Ngilu gila namateyy. I just cannottt. 

Kalau kena jahit dekat kaki okay boleh pejam mata dan mengelak dari pandang benda tu. Ini kat muka. Aku kena keras diam kat situ sambil dia jahit. Aku tak boleh pandang tempat lain. Peh. Masa dia ikat jahitan tu terasa kepala aku bergoyang-goyang pulak. Bayangkan macam mana kuat dia tarik-tarik semua?. Can you imagine??!! Walaupun tak rasa sakit, but still... Aku pikir lepasni no more jahit. Ini kali terakhir. Sumpah. Masa tu aku pikir kenapa orang dengan rela mengandung padahal dia tau beranak tu sakit yang amat. Ummi, howw?? 8 orang beranak?? Huh. Kaklong, czer?? Erghh. I.just.cannot.imagine.that.

Balik dari hospital pukul 12 malam lebih. Dengan luka di kedua-dua lutut dan siku, bibir dan hidung, berserta dagu yang berjahit dan pinggang yang lebam. 

Qadha maghrib, solat isyak dalam keadaan duduk berlunjur. Tak makan pun tak terasa lapar. It was such a long, long night. Aku pikir nak tidur ja masa tu.

Esok paginya baru bagitau ayah. Bamet pun booked kan flight. Kaklong call. Famous ai pagi tu huhu.  Aiman datang hantar ke airport bertiga dengan Yanie. Kaklong, Abang Syafiq dengan Zaid jumpa kat airport. Sampai Kedah ayah amik. 

Sembilan hari jugaklah lepak rumah merap ummi, layan Sha dan Shah, enjoy ponteng kelas hee. Nasib baik awal sem, so takdala ketinggalan banyak pelajaran. Nasib baik cuma luka-luka, tak patah. Susah kalau kena drop sem tu pulak ke apa. Syukurrr sangat.

Sebelum rasa sendiri semua ni, aku pikir accident tu cool. Sakit, orang datang melawat. Boleh berdrama. Tapi lepas kena sendiri memang taknak rasa dah. 

Nak solat kena tukar pembalut luka. Ada pulak yang melekat dengan darah-darah kering, melekat dengan benang jahit. Kena tarik slow-slow. Bila terbangun subuh lewat, mana nak tukar gauze, mana nak balut baru pulak, masa dah suntuk. Renyah. Nak mandi pun azab. Nak jalan pun berdenyut-denyut. Makan pun susah dah bibir pun luka. Semuanya seksa. Satu dua hari awal tu pantang terlelap mesti mimpi terseret atas jalan lepastu terjaga mengejut. Nak tidur pun tak senang. Terkejut sokmo. Rasa macam bila-bila masa boleh sakit jantung pulak aku. Na'uzubillah. 

Tapi bila teringatkan orang-orang yang tolong waktu memerlukan, dari strangers dan juga kawan-kawan, yang call, yang hantar ke airport, yang sudi whatsapp tanya khabar, yang melawat di rumah, tambah lagi yang menjaga di rumah, sungguh, semuanya made me feel loved. Tersentuh rasa hati ni. *kesat air mata*. Masa tu baru faham kenapa kita disuruh melawat orang sakit. Benda tu sangat membantu dari segi emotional. Terasa orang care, orang sayang. Thank you Allah sebab bagi aku orang-orang sekeliling yang sangat baik. Semoga kami semua jumpa balik di syurga. 

Wah. Berjaya cerita setelah setahun berlalu. My first experience ever accident di jalan raya. Cukup untuk mengingatkan diri sendiri bahawa kematian tu boleh menjemput kita bila-bila masa. Tengah jogging, tak sangka beberapa jam lagi akan berada di hospital. Tengah bawak motor, beberapa saat kemudian tergolek atas jalan. Macam tu lah kematian boleh menjemput kita. Laju. Tak disangka-sangka.

Semoga Allah matikan kita semua dalam iman, sempat taubat, mati syahid.

May Allah bless us all.


P/S : URL blog ini akan ditukar kepada ecanfadhlina.blogspot.com anytime soon. Hope I don't lose you my loyal readers :)