Still trying to write again

Assalamualaikum

Umum disini mengetahui that I am married now. In context of this blog, perhaps umum here means only those three person who commented on my previous post, hihi (thanks guys!). I was actually very surprised seeing those comments as I wasn't expecting for any just as soon. I was so excited that I actually almost posted it in my Insta story. You know nowadays all the good news has to be published for the world to see kan. Kah. But nope, this time I feel like emmm, nope for now.

Feel like I just want to keep this (the news about me started writing again) as a secret, just for me and for my loyal reader, one of them is you! Congratulations then, I supposed. Haha.

I found it is easier to pour my heart out in my writing when there's no pressure from anyone. I will be honest in my writing. No readers means no pressure. I don't know who's probably reading, I have no one to impress, I have nothing to worry about (anyway do you think nothing is the combination of no thing? Right? I think so!). Even if I nak mengata sesiapa, well, I have no idea that you're reading, so I guess that's not my fault if my writing ever gonna hurt you? Haha kidding. Perhaps not.

So back to my first line -- I am married. After married, me and my husband rent this about 400sqft studio house, in quite a decent building in the heart of Cyberjaya. I haven't told you how much I love this city. Cyberjaya is just a small city, still many ongoing construction here and there, but everything feels complete. We can get all the basics that we need here, and if we want something extra KL is just about half an hour drive. So basically we get to enjoy the hype of living in KL but not really in KL, just some small city besides it with least traffic, less people and new buildings because it's a new city. Quite awesome innit? That's why I love it here. I hope this city won't be crowded too soon but deep down I know this peaceful Cyberjaya that I love now won't be the same as the five years later Cyberjaya. Tskk.

Okay, we are now reaching the fifth paragraph but I'm still not quite sure what I'm gonna write about in this post. Often I found myself choosing the perfect sentences to describe about something or some feelings that I wanted to write on my blog later, in the middle of cooking or cleaning, but of course I can't write it right away because I'm busy adulting because apparently I am a married adult now. Then, that later that I tried to convince myself always turns to never as the ideas gone after the feelings gone. And here I am again not knowing what to write while there's a lot going on in my head.

Now I understand when most writers said they will jot down any idea they got quickly before they forgot about it. Previously I didn't agree with that because I feel like writing should be coming from the heart, while the feelings is there. It should be spontaneous. Planning what to write sounds like creating the story itself. You aren't supposed to create it, you only have to convey it because creating sounds like faking a story. You don't get the idea today and write about that idea tomorrow because the feelings will change, the vibes will change. It won't be the same. You know what, thinking of it now I remember that I actually hate having to write those 'rangka karangan' you have to do during primary school. I think it's a waste of time because I never actually need it because it's all in this head and this heart.

But now....when all my ideas always ended up vanished into the air just like that, I think like it or not I have to agree that I need to write those rangka idea so that my next posts won't seems as lost as this post. I know these last two paragraphs confused you. I'm also confused. My points doesn't add up. How could you possibly think that planning what to write is like faking a story? Are you talking about writing as in writing your personal blog about what happened in your life, or writing novels about a story that you created yourself, or writing news which depends solely on none other than the facts.

I.am.confused.

But I'm going to publish this post anyway and read it again tomorrow to see if I can make this post any better. I'm sorry that I didn't give you guys some quality writing to read. I'm not proud of this. But I'm trying hard, and I have forgiven myself for this messy writing.

Adios amigos.