Goodbye Mr. Simon

Simon has passed away.

Bekas pengetua kami, Simon Spencer dah meninggal pagi tadi, menurut email daripada Steve Capon, iaitu our current pengetua sementara.

Simon meninggal genap sebulan lepas dia resign. Pada tarikh yang sama last month, aku sedih dapat berita dia resign. This month pulak, dia meninggal dunia. Allahu.

Sedih pikir dia meninggal dekat negara orang, tanpa keluarga terdekat ada. Sedih untuk dia, sedih untuk keluarga dia yang jauh dekat UK. Mujur ada jugak isteri dia kat sini. Anak-anak pulak aku tak pasti ada sini ke tak. Setahu aku sometimes time cuti semester universiti anak dia akan mai sini visit dia. Waktu-waktu lain, anak dia takda. Aku pernah stalk Instagram depa dulu, anak-anak dia 4 orang tak salah aku, semuanya lelaki, semua stay kat merata ceruk dunia. Dia pun dah tua, jadi aku assume anak-anak dia ada yang dah kerja, the youngest masih kat uni. Aku tumpang simpati.

Bila kat negara orang ni, yang paling dekat kita rasa of course orang yang kita boleh relate to. In Simon's case, staf-staf lain yang dari UK jugak. Syukur ada Martin and Lisa teman Felicity dari semalam untuk melalui hari yang panjang ini. Kesian betul aku rasa. Berdasarkan emel Steve, katanya Simon suffered from another attack. I assume heart attack lah kot. And 'another' means the people around him should have seen this coming. At least, ada sikit rasa mentally and emotionally prepared. Takkan ada orang yang bersedia untuk hadap situasi kehilangan orang yang tersayang macam ni. Tapi, peringatan yang anything could happen in any time tu ada. Masih akan sakit, akan berharap semuanya cuma mimpi buruk. Tapi aku harap deep down depa redha dan dipinjamkan kekuatan oleh Allah untuk melalui ujian ni.

Besar jugak ujian ni. Nak uruskan kematian di negara orang, nak kebumi sini or balik UK? Dengan Covid-19 pandemic yang mengekang jadual penerbangan. Kena pikir banyak benda. Walaupun ada orang di sekeliling, orang-orang tu bukan keluarga. Nasib baik walaupun bukan keluarga, tapi kenalan lama. Semoga dipermudahkan urusan depa ya Allah.

Untuk aku sendiri, aku sedih sebab tak sempat ucap a proper goodbye to Simon. Dia resign masa sekolah tengah cuti, tengah MCO. Takda proper celebration untuk dia. Lagi sedih bila pikir hari ni, genap sebulan dia resign. Pengetua yang sentiasa senyum ramah dan tegur kami even staf-staf bawahan yang orang atas lain sometimes tak peduli pun. Tapi Simon memang wajib ucap good morning, atau simply just angkat tangan and cakap hello how are you. Dekat dining hall, dekat main blok, mana-mana pun kalau terserempak dia akan tegur or at least senyum ramah. Even masa tu dia tengah jalan dengan guests/visitors. Dengan semua orang termasuk aku. Walaupun dari segi tugasan kerja, kerja kami jarang bertembung, tapi dia still tegur aku bila-bila masa terserempak pun. Kadang bila receptionist rehat atau absent, aku kena cover receptionist tapi aku sibuk dengan benda lain, pastu ada delivery mai, dia nampak tak kisah langsung untuk tolong receive barang-barang tu bila dia nampak takda orang kat kaunter receptionist. Aku akan sentiasa ingat sikap Simon yang tu. Bila sampai masa aku untuk jadi orang atasan nanti, aku nak jadi bos yang macam Simon. The humble and friendly boss.

Aku harap walau sekecil-kecil benda, aku ada tunjukkan sesuatu yang baik yang dilihat Simon masa dia hidup. Semoga ada dakwah yang aku buat walaupun kecil. Pernah last year bulan puasa aku lapar aku pi pantry masak maggi kot. Terserempak Simon, dia tanya tak puasa ka. Tak salah aku aku cakap not feeling well, so it's okay untuk tak puasa. Wish I had explained more pasal period bagai tapi aku usually akan avoid long conversation sebab my English is limited. Tapi dia okay ja.

Apapun, semoga ditenangkan hati keluarga dan dipermudahkan urusan depa semua.
Dear Mr. Simon, you'll be missed.

Still trying to write again

Assalamualaikum

Umum disini mengetahui that I am married now. In context of this blog, perhaps umum here means only those three person who commented on my previous post, hihi (thanks guys!). I was actually very surprised seeing those comments as I wasn't expecting for any just as soon. I was so excited that I actually almost posted it in my Insta story. You know nowadays all the good news has to be published for the world to see kan. Kah. But nope, this time I feel like emmm, nope for now.

Feel like I just want to keep this (the news about me started writing again) as a secret, just for me and for my loyal reader, one of them is you! Congratulations then, I supposed. Haha.

I found it is easier to pour my heart out in my writing when there's no pressure from anyone. I will be honest in my writing. No readers means no pressure. I don't know who's probably reading, I have no one to impress, I have nothing to worry about (anyway do you think nothing is the combination of no thing? Right? I think so!). Even if I nak mengata sesiapa, well, I have no idea that you're reading, so I guess that's not my fault if my writing ever gonna hurt you? Haha kidding. Perhaps not.

So back to my first line -- I am married. After married, me and my husband rent this about 400sqft studio house, in quite a decent building in the heart of Cyberjaya. I haven't told you how much I love this city. Cyberjaya is just a small city, still many ongoing construction here and there, but everything feels complete. We can get all the basics that we need here, and if we want something extra KL is just about half an hour drive. So basically we get to enjoy the hype of living in KL but not really in KL, just some small city besides it with least traffic, less people and new buildings because it's a new city. Quite awesome innit? That's why I love it here. I hope this city won't be crowded too soon but deep down I know this peaceful Cyberjaya that I love now won't be the same as the five years later Cyberjaya. Tskk.

Okay, we are now reaching the fifth paragraph but I'm still not quite sure what I'm gonna write about in this post. Often I found myself choosing the perfect sentences to describe about something or some feelings that I wanted to write on my blog later, in the middle of cooking or cleaning, but of course I can't write it right away because I'm busy adulting because apparently I am a married adult now. Then, that later that I tried to convince myself always turns to never as the ideas gone after the feelings gone. And here I am again not knowing what to write while there's a lot going on in my head.

Now I understand when most writers said they will jot down any idea they got quickly before they forgot about it. Previously I didn't agree with that because I feel like writing should be coming from the heart, while the feelings is there. It should be spontaneous. Planning what to write sounds like creating the story itself. You aren't supposed to create it, you only have to convey it because creating sounds like faking a story. You don't get the idea today and write about that idea tomorrow because the feelings will change, the vibes will change. It won't be the same. You know what, thinking of it now I remember that I actually hate having to write those 'rangka karangan' you have to do during primary school. I think it's a waste of time because I never actually need it because it's all in this head and this heart.

But now....when all my ideas always ended up vanished into the air just like that, I think like it or not I have to agree that I need to write those rangka idea so that my next posts won't seems as lost as this post. I know these last two paragraphs confused you. I'm also confused. My points doesn't add up. How could you possibly think that planning what to write is like faking a story? Are you talking about writing as in writing your personal blog about what happened in your life, or writing novels about a story that you created yourself, or writing news which depends solely on none other than the facts.

I.am.confused.

But I'm going to publish this post anyway and read it again tomorrow to see if I can make this post any better. I'm sorry that I didn't give you guys some quality writing to read. I'm not proud of this. But I'm trying hard, and I have forgiven myself for this messy writing.

Adios amigos.

Some updates about my life

Assalamualaikum and hi

It's been ages since my last blog post, itu pun pasal Kazakhstan story. Not about me. I don't know if there's any of my blogger friends who still remember me, or is there anyone who's still even blogging?? I mean, it's already 2020! With Instagram around, which serves the same purpose of a blog -- except it is easier and more interactive -- I don't think anyone needs blog anymore, except for recipes hunting. No 'veteran/legend' blogger that I know back then, who's still actively blogging until now, even the famous honeykoyuki, Maria Elena, Irine Nadia, and even Vivy Yusof hasn't updated her blog for like monthsss already. Well, actually I didn't check recently, but last time I checked, everyone has moved on from blogging. Sedih sikit kan, but we have to move on. Buatpa stay if we can move on to something better.

My 2012-self would totally kicked my ass if she knew I've been spending my super duper extra free time watching movies and social media rotation, day and night, with zero accomplishment. I can still remember back in the days where I stayed up until so late at night, or the times when I forced my eyes to stay awake just so that I can update my blog. MY BLOG WAS MY EVERYTHING. This is my escape room. This is my tree house where I'd come to whenever I wanted to be alone. This is the place where I poured whatever in my head, and makes me feel like I always have someone to talk to. And sometimes I got replies too. This blog is amazing. It keeps me sane.

Now I have the free time of my life, I have fast WiFi at home, but I chose to totally abandoned my blog. Can't believe myself either. But as I said, we gotta move on. This is not about rajin malas dah, this is about minat dah bertukar.

So what am I doing here?

Saja. I'm just thinking, if, just if, there's anyone who's missing my writing. And I feel like kinda in debt with my blog, for not reporting any update, any big events that has happened in my life. Even though I've been abandoning my blog for quite a long time already, I still anggap her as my old bestfriend who deserves to know sikit sebanyak about my life now.

So, firstly, I have a permanent job now, guys! I'm working in Cyberjaya for more than a year already. Nothing related to journalism, even though I have graduated with a First Class Honour in Journalism back in 2017. I tried, but rezeki bukan dekat situ. It's okay, we plan, but Allah is the best planner kan. As long as it's halal, it pays well, and I can learn something, then it's enough. Even though this is not the job that I wanted at the first place, but it benefits me in many different ways. When times come, if needed, I will find another job, inshaallah.

Second, I am a married woman now! Hehe. Puan Ecan in the house yallz. Based on the counter on my husband's phone, we've been married for 66 days today. Baru dua bulan plus. So I guess you guys aren't that late to receive this news. Jangan ambik hati okay. Doakan kami dikurniakan kesabaran dan kebijaksanaan dalam melayari bahtera perkahwinan yang mencabar ni ya. We need your doa. Always.

Third, I have two nephews and one niece. They're my love, my everything. Penenang hati pendamai jiwa. Actually one of the reasons of this blogpost is that after I died, my family still can read my writing whenever they missed me. Zaid, Muaz and Izzah can read acik's writing, so they can kenal me more. Even though I know there's no way they can kenal me just by reading this blog, but at least they have something to read about me, at least they know some days in the past my warm fingers were dancing on this keyboard writing this entry for them to read whenever they missed me. Acik tak rela dilupakan! Haha. I hope they will appreciate this. Acik love Zaid, Muaz, Izzah and semua anak-anak saudara acik even yang belum wujud lagi pun, I love you guys already.

Or maybe if I have children nanti, my children might appreciate this. It's fun reading about ummi's early life, her first permanent job in Cyberjaya, while watching ummi now as one successful woman who have one big nice house that can fit everyone in the family to visit and sleep there, might as well has become a Hajjah which she has gotten from Hajj with tokmi and tokwan, and her siblings. She also has done her umrah with maktok and baba. Amiin amiin. Doakan saya ya.

In case any of those children things doesn't happen, in case I died in such young age, please doakan saya mati dalam husnul khatimah, Allah ampunkan dosa-dosa kecil dan besar saya, dan tempatkan saya dalam syurga firdaus bersama keluarga dan kawan-kawan saya.

And you guys can still read my old entries again and again, even though this blog has missing some big parts of my life, still, small piece of it has been written here. And forgive me for all those janji-janji nak buat entry pasal apa-apa yang aku sampai sudah tak buat. Mohon maaf sangat. Memang tak terbuat. Tak terasa nak tulis sangat dah dekat sini. Terima kasih sebab faham.

As usual, tolong doakan saya berjaya di dunia dan di akhirat. I need your prayers. Saya perlukan doa-doa dari anda semua.

Kalau ini entry yang terakhir, at least I got to say bye bye to all of you. Setiap kali orang baca dan komen, saya happy. So, a BIG THANK YOU for making me happy for all these years.

Sampai ketemu lagi, inshaallah.